Choice

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.

Alexander Graham Bell said that. And I just now discovered a door that is open to me. I can’t pitch for an entire season. (Well, gee, how obvious is that?) And I don’t plan on taking another season off in my career. (Probably almost as obvious.) So now is my one and only chance to do something that takes most of a year and that would prevent me from pitching part of a season. I can have a baby. I can hear the “What?!?” from here. But I’m completely serious. This is probably my only opportunity to do it myself.

The question is, do I want to take this chance? Because this is a life-changing decision. This is my one opportunity to become a natural mother. But am I ready for it? Is now a good time for me to do this? Or is it even meaningful to talk about a “good time” for me to have a baby?

So I talked to a couple of people. Larry’s first reaction was, “What kind of person are you? We’re not even married.” Nice for him to conclude that he was the other half of the equation. That might be true, but that wasn’t why I was talking about it with him. He and Lando are my two best friends who know firsthand what it’s like to be a professional baseball pitcher. Once he had some time to think about it, Larry said that if my heart is set on it, he was all for it. After all, I have to do all the hard work.

Now, the truth is, I wouldn’t have to involve Larry. There are places you can go to select fathers with good pedigrees and so forth. And some of these guys are famous for being smarter, stronger, faster and/or other comparatives than the average person. You might just be giving your kid a leg up by choosing one of these men as a gene source.

But that’s a double-edged sword as well. While I’d have a chance at having better genes, it would be, in effect, saying that I don’t want to make children with Larry. And even though he’s only 18, I don’t think he’d respond well to that particular non-verbal message. I never really considered it doing it that way, but I mentioned it to be complete. (Okay, the third option is to pick someone else that I know personally, like Lando or Jay.) The truth is, if I want a baby, I want it to be Larry’s. Just imagine how great of a pitcher little Larry Junior could grow up to be. When he’s not injured.

Am I ready to be a mom? Would I be able to cope with either a) taking my baby on the road or b) leaving her to be cared for by someone else? I’m 22. That’s how old my mother was when she had Rick. But she was never a major league pitcher. She never had to travel and make the choice of taking or leaving him, or any of us.

I don’t even have a pet. Well, I have Bunt, Allie (my mother said it was cruel to name a cat “Allie” but she’s named after a girl in a Zane Grey novel), and Diva but they lived at my parents’ house last season because it’s tough to care for cats if you’re on the road. I have been thinking about getting a snake though. They don’t need everyday attention. Since Dad is a vet and we grew up with a menagerie, I know about reptile care. And babies take more attention than snakes or cats or any other kind of pet.

I’ve thought about this quite a bit. And I think it’s best for everyone if I pass on this. I don’t think Larry would be ready and I’m certain I’m not. I’d really rather pitch than have children. While this may be my only chance to do both, it’s a chance I’m going to pass on.

The door may be open, but I’m not going through it this time.